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最終更新日 : 2012/01/30 (Mon) 09:34
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最終更新日 : 2012/01/30 (Mon) 09:34
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Comedy is nothing more than tragedy deferred.
Any man who is under 30, and is not a liberal, has not heart; and any man who is over 30, and is not a conservative, has no brains.
We don\'t like their sound, and guitar music is on the way out.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
We are Dyslexia of Borg. Fusistance is retile. Your ass will be laminated.
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I never miss a chance to have sex or appear on television.
Those are my principles. If you don\'t like them I have others.
Hearing nuns\' confessions is like being stoned to death with popcorn.
You\'re about as useful as a one-legged man at an arse kicking contest.
The first half of our life is ruined by our parents and the second half by our children.
Emulate your heros, but don\'t carry it too far. Especially if they are dead.
That is the saving grace of humor, if you fail no one is laughing at you.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you\'ve got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn\'t your biggest problem.
An intellectual is someone who has found something more interesting than sex.
A narcissist is someone better looking than you are.
They say such nice things about people at their funerals that it makes me sad that I\'m going to miss mine by just a few days.
I have yet to meet a C compiler that is more friendly and easier to use than eating soup with a knife.
Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Go on, get out. Last words are for fools who haven\'t said enough.
If it wasn\'t for lawyers, we wouldn\'t need them.
Never raise your hands to your kids. It leaves your groin unprotected.
Many journalists have fallen for the conspiracy theory of government. I do assure you that they would produce more accurate work if they adhered to the cock-up theory.
I admire the Pope. I have a lot of respect for anyone who can tour without an album.
I hate those men who would send into war youth to fight and die for them; the pride and cowardice of those old men, making their wars that boys must die.
Look at you in war. There has never been a just one, never an honorable one, on the part of the instigator of the war.
The power of accurate observation is frequently called cynicism by those who don\'t have it.
If quantum physics doesn\'t confuse you then you don\'t understand it.
Men have become the tools of their tools.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.
Richard Nixon is a no good, lying bastard. He can lie out of both sides of his mouth at the same time, and if he ever caught himself telling the truth, he\'d lie just to keep his hand in.
Heaven is an American salary, a Chinese cook, an English house, and a Japanese wife. Hell is defined as having a Chinese salary, an English cook, a Japanese house, and an American wife.
In any contest between power and patience, bet on patience.
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
Man has no right to kill his brother. It is no excuse that he does so in uniform: he only adds the infamy of servitude to the crime of murder.
The secret of success is to know something nobody else knows.
Outside of a dog, a book is man\'s best friend. Inside of a dog, it\'s too dark to read.
I hope life isn\'t a big joke ... because I don\'t get it.
The company doesn\'t tell me what to say, and I don\'t tell themwhere to stick it.
Ask her to wait a moment - I am almost done.
Why don\'t they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
I don\'t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
What I am against is quotas. I am against hard quotas, quotas they basically delineate based upon whatever. However they delineate, quotas, I think, vulcanize society. So I don\'t know how that fits into what everybody else is saying, their relative positions, but that\'s my position.
They show you how detergents take out bloodstains. I think if you\'ve got a T-shirt with bloodstains all over it, maybe your laundry isn\'t your biggest problem.
A bird in the hand makes it hard to blow your nose.
I\'m trying to see things from your point of view but I can\'t get my head that far up my ass.
Computers can figure out all kinds of problems, except the things in the world that just don\'t add up.
Gentleman: Knows how to play the bagpipes, but doesn\'t.
I have seen the future and it is just like the present, only longer.
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A committee is a group of people who individually can do nothing but together can decide that nothing can be done.
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Before C++ we had to code all of our bugs by hand; now we inherit them.
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The Stones, I love the Stones. I watch them whenever I can. Fred, Barney...
The purpose of computing is not numbers but insight.
Ask people why they have deer heads on their walls and they tell you it\'s because they\'re such beautiful animals. I think my wife is beautiful, but I only have photographs of her on the wall.
Hofstadter\'s Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter\'s Law.
I think \'Hail to the Chief\' has a nice ring to it.
Descended from the apes? Let us hope that it is not true. But if it is, let us pray that it may not become generally known.
Happiness is good health and a bad memory.
He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I know.
Smith & Wesson ? the original point and click interface.
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
I don\'t believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.
There is no reason anyone would want a computer in their home.
A sure cure for seasickness is to sit under a tree.
Don\'t knock masturbation, it\'s sex with someone I love .
There are many kinds of people in the world. Are you one of them?
Don\'t drive me crazy -- it\'s within walking distance.
If it wasn\'t for muscle spasms, I wouldn\'t get any exercise at all.
A people that values its privileges above its principles soon loses both.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Millions long for immortality who do not know what to do with themselves on a rainy Sunday afternoon.
Life is pleasant. Death is peaceful. It\'s the transition that\'s troublesome.
Everyone is a genius at least once a year; a real genius has his original ideas closer together.
Whether you think that you can, or that you can\'t, you are usually right.
I don\'t know anything about music. In my line you don\'t have to.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
Sailors ought never to go to church. They ought to go to hell, where it is much more comfortable.
Where are we going, and why am I in this handbasket?
Don\'t sweat the petty things, just pet the sweaty things.
Because I do it with one small ship, I am called a terrorist. You do it with a whole fleet and are called an emperor.
No one can earn a million dollars honestly.
How can I believe in God when just last week I got my tongue caught in the roller of an electric typewriter?
We totally deny the allegations, and we are trying to identify the allegators.
Guard against the impostures of pretended patriotism.
If Tyranny and Oppression come to this land, it will be in the guise of fighting a foreign enemy.
I\'d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them.
If you\'re sick and tired of the politics of cynicism and polls and principles, come and join this campaign.
Copy from one, it\'s plagiarism; copy from two, it\'s research.
It\'s impossible to experience one\'s death objectively and still carry a tune.
As nightfall does not come at once, neither does oppression. In both instances, there is a twilight when everything remains unchanged. And it is in such twilight that we all must be most aware of change in the air ? however slight ? lest we become unwitting victims of the darkness.
They couldn\'t hit an elephant at this dist--
The chain reaction of evil -- wars producing more wars -- must be broken, or we shall be plunged into the dark abyss of annihilation.
Devlin\'s First Law - Buyer beware: in the hands of a charlatan, mathematics can be used to make a vacuous argument look impressive. Devlin\'s Second Law - So can PowerPoint.
A terrorist is someone who has a bomb, but doesn\'t have an air force.
You got to be careful if you don\'t know where you\'re going, because you might not get there.
I do not feel obliged to believe that the same God who has endowed us with sense, reason, and intellect has intended us to forgo their use.
Real punks help little old ladies across the street because it shocks more people than if they spit on the sidewalk.
Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away.
Against stupidity the (very) gods themselves contend in vain
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
Every day I get up and look through the Forbes list of the richest people in America. If I\'m not there, I go to work.
Before the war is ended, the war party assumes the divine right to denounce and silence all opposition to war as unpatriotic and cowardly.
Few things are harder to put up with than a good example.
Modern capitalism is not about free markets, it is about building sufficient mass that the market gravitationally collapses around you.
The only rules comedy can tolerate are those of taste, and the only limitations those of libel.
I could not possibly fail to disagree with you less.
All rights left. All lefts reserved. All reserves removed. All removes right.
If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?
I have often regretted my speech, never my silence.
My current job sucks so hard, black holes are going green with envy.
Patriotism means to stand by the country. It does not mean to stand by the president or any other public official...
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If you can read this you\'re not aiming in the right direction.
DOS Computers manufactured by companies such as IBM, Compaq, Tandy, and millions of others are by far the most popular, with about 70 million machines in use worldwide. Macintosh fans, on the other hand, may note that cockroaches are far more numerous than humans, and that numbers alone do not denote a higher life form.
It\'s the liberal bias. The press is liberally biased to the right.
First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.
A pessimist sees the difficulty in every opportunity; an optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.
Gigerenzer\'s Law of Indispensable Ignorance: The world cannot function without partially ignorant people.
最終更新日 : 2012/01/26/(Thu) 10:26
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